| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|10:39 pm] |
|
went to whitby, which was just amazing. saw penguins in the sealife zoo .. and otters ,turtles, jellyfish.. and more.. went to scarbourough.. was reallllly beauitiful. really wannqa go back some day. had scampi... mmmmm. got a real bad sunburn. we're just chilling atm, laura and me. got my laptop hooked up. had an indian earlier. (ps: richie, was really good seeing you. i will visit you soon again :) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|07:45 am] |
|
I'm moving countries this week. I'm moving in with my girlfriend Laura in the UK. I'm really excited yet fucking nervous. I can't imagine anything better than living with her though, and no more long distance :) And we can spoon every night :D |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|05:30 am] |
|
so i've decided to start blogging again.. expect lots of picture blogs from my cellphone.. might actually do a daily one. i'm in oxford now. had a great time with Laura.. going back there next week, then catch my flight from manchester. last night was AWESOME. it involved a lot of cuddling and kissing, and then falling asleep in eachothers arms... never felt that safe in my life.. or that drawn to the warmth and comfort of another persons body... |
|
|
| låtas leva - just felt like writing something |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|04:30 pm] |
ingen vet.
ingen ser.
De ser bara det som ögat ser.
Ingen vet hur mitt liv är,
hur att leva bara.. tär.
Att hela tiden orka vara tvungen,
för att inte verka svag.
Jag orkar inte låtsas,
låtsas leva.
Nobody knows
Nobody sees
they see only what the eye can see
No one knows what life is like
to live only consumes
To be able to force yourself all the time
to not seem weak
can't pretend anymore
pretend to live. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|08:48 pm] |
|
bad day.. the kinda you try to swallow the crying and its stuck down yer throat all dayy.. moving next week. dont feel like doing all that work that comes with that. feel like ihave no one in the world i can talk to. and its basically true |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|10:30 am] |
|
i look like a football in my face :( half of it anyway.. swollen from taking out that wisdom tooth.. could hardly sleep at all last night.. need to get nozinan. i have to wash my mouth out with this really yucky stuff too :( atleast the bleeding has stopped. no more gauze in my mouth turning on the vomiting reflexes. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|07:23 pm] |
|
had a wisom tooth pulled today.. am in pain.. and my throat hurts.. probably connected to that too somehow.. cant swallow :/ well i can, but not without it hurting like hell. have this stuff to wash out the mouth with twice a day, painkillers, thingies to put on where the tooth used to be... sucks up the blood and stuff.. and coughdrops... i ate lasagna earlier... and now i cant figure it out if theres a piece of meat hanging from that area or if the stitches are up or whatever... and i cant see anything.. or feel much.. blah.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|05:53 pm] |
well once again.. another entry from me. where should i start. well i'll just ramble on about my day and how i feel.. writing sure can help.
well it started off with me laying in bed for a few hours last night having a panick attack.. shaking like a leaf and wishing i was dead (that's always a great start on a day). finally i managed to somewhat distract myself with a tvshow.. and after awhile i felt i could actually get some sleep. that was at 5 am. at 7.30 thomas came around to wake me up. yes i had swedish class today. so i went there.. and stayed for 3 hours. woohoo. nah. actually it was really boring, but not hard.. so i'll try to stick to that class.
i was so nervous i sweated like a pig. it poured off of me. very attractive.
after that i decided to buy a new pair of dr.martens.. so i did that. the exact same ones i already have but new ones.. very needed, since i've had my old ones for about 4 or 5 years.
ya shopping always makes you feel better.. almost. then i headed off to the barber to get a haircut.. because i started looking like a female version of MacGyver. a mullet. so my hair is all nice now. and well.. now i missed something.-. something that made me cry. before i went to get my hair cut i went to pick up my meds at the rehab center. so i waited there for a nurse for about an hour.. then when i saw my contact person she said they ahdnt recieved my stilnoct.. so after much hassle she ended up calling the pharmacy and they hadnt come in yet. the people at that place... they cant really like and care about what theyre doing.. they ahrdly wanted to help me get them.. so i said i hadnt slept for two days, had panick attacks.. that nozinan gives me nightmares.. ya sure of course i wanted to abuse them too.. and help me sleep.. because i've felt like shit.. for ages. and he relief of stilnoct would just really be good right now.. plus make me sleep..
so ya i ended up crying.. i know i must really be a mess.. i am... i just fell apart.. so sick of feeling this way.
anyway so after the haircut i went around to thomas place.. had a cup of coffee. then i walked to the liquor store and bought one bottle of vodka and alcopops.. so now stilnoct.. but booozee. :).
i feel like going away from this place. i hate living here. ya ya i know you cant run away from your problems but it sure would help to get a change of scenery... and people... but i don't have any friends. not anyone i can really talk to and feel connected to. i used to, not anymore.
i really hate this town.. it doesnt feel like home.. well more than other places.. but not HOME. ive feared hitting rock bottom for awhile and well now its happened. life huh. that's all from me. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|08:39 am] |
|
i miss steffie :( i took nozinan.. im falling asleep.. but i have to tell my caseworker about the stilnoct abuse.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|08:01 am] |
this last week has just been crap... actually these last coule of months have been... the od 2 months ago.. all the pills i've been taking.. has really fucked me up even more.. cut myself up a few nights ago after taking about 15 stilnocts.. crushed a glass in the sink... called my mother, was hysterical.. didnt know where to go, what to do.. so she drove me for an hour to the mental ward in the next city.. they wanted to keep me for a few days but of course i changed my mind.... then last night i also took stilnoct and ended up hallucinating, thinking there were people in my apartment.. ended up calling my mom.. i was terrified...
now i need to stop.. or my life is gonna go straight to hell.. even more than what it is. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|02:21 pm] |
i feel like updating this dying journal, so here we go... nothing interesting as such but oh well.. sometimes i just feel like blabbering on about stuff, especially when im sleepdeprived like i am right now :) so i didnt sleep last night.. and went to the dentist at 8.50 am... got a lot of anesthetics... which is always fun :) only my tooth didnt hurt before they started to treat the damn tooth this time (filling that fell out), only now it does... i cant friggin chew without my tooth hurting but oh well.. going back next week.. hope its the final treatment on that damn tooth :D then im gonna have a tooth pulled out.. oh anyway.. straight after the dentist appointment i went to see a nurse about my hemorrhoids (ya icky, but thats the way it is) and she wrote down a bunch of stuff that i shld eat, and some kinda moisture thingee to get at the pharmacy to ahemmmm moisture in there..... ill get laxatives from my mom.. anyway she was pretty nice.. only she said i didnt need a prescription for that moisture thingee... but when i got to the pharmacy the woman said i did need one... so im going back to to get a bloody prescription tomorrow. ya.. then i met my mom and she was gonna help me pick out curtains but i was too tired to decide.. then we went to a cafe and had tuna baguettes... and then i went looking in shops, didnt buy anything tho.. well a soda.... and soon thomas is coming over and we're gonna play some pc games on the TV.... ya nothing interesting :)
i fucking hate teeth :( |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|09:51 am] |
it's been a pretty good weekend.. and a pretty bad one too.. a friend from the uk visited, and i had a major toothache.. thank good it's better. i called the er yesterday since the usual places are closed on the weekends.. but the dentist had gone home at 5. well if it gets any worse during the day i will call.. of course itll cost more but oh well.. not like you care when it feels youre gonna die from pain! i can only chew on my left side or it hurts like hell... well atm it doesnt really hurt unless i bite or some crap like that... if that tooth touches another one...
me and richie went to see the new Harry Potter movie yesterday.. because of all the painkillers i had taken during the day i fell asleep :/ well i think i saw about half of it.. it's 10 am...just got back from walking him to the train.. richie that is, not harry potter...
my ears are hurting.. cold outside.. snowing.. a little.. decided to write down my dreams.. they are too interesting and weird not to.. think im off to bed now.. maybe watch tv.. |
|
|
| shopomania :s |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
that hit me like lightning today hehe.. felt really shitty so thought I'd spend up all my money (the 2000 i can do whatever i want with each month).. bought one pair of jeans, two shirts, comfy winterish socks, the first season of One Tree Hill, Alive, Pleasantville, Jack Frost and a box with all the Harry Potter movies in it... now all the money i have left is for food, bills and cigs..
and im not touching that savings account i have.. well perhaps lol.
oh and i bought these transparent plaster thingies for my burns.. the woman at the pharmacy told me to go have it taken care of tomorrow... im sure itll be fine though... and i bought 3 pair of water glasses... and um chewing gum, and health candy.. ya that's about it! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|02:56 am] |
here i am at 3 am.. class starts at 8.30... went to bed but laying there panicky and suicidal and curled up as a ball crying wasnt much fun.. so decided to spill some stuff out.. but im just gonna sound pathetic.. and who would wanna lsiten to my crap..
friends just leave anwyay (and no real friends of mine are on lj) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2005|07:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Just got home from my parents house.. they just got back from my grandmas funeral and needed help to get the stuff from the van into the house... felt weird bringing stuff in the house that i remember from my grandmas flat... her sofa, table... stuff like that..
feels unreal that i will never get to see her again... maybe if theres a life after this one..
I got a polkagrisstång from Gränna from my mother.. havent had one in ages.. theyre these long peppermint thingies..
I think theyve stopped selling them here, because i havent seen em in ages... so im gonna enjoy that later.
feel really shitty.. and i wanna si.. but theyve stopped selling the razorblades here.. the one with two sides.. jsut have gillete crap with two tiny blades.. they dont work at all.. so it's the plastic ones for me.. cut off a part and use the rest.. better than nothing.
Having one wisdom tooth taken out in two months.. yay.. going to school tomorrow.. it's kinda shitty when you dont even want to live.. but i wanna give it a try... Thomas was gonna come around and we should play the guitar but I wasnt up for company. gonna go out on the balcony now and enjoy a beer and a book. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|01:45 pm] |
|
i feel awful.... have a really bad cold.. lost my voice, cant swallow... feel sick... cant walk.. think i slept on my foot or something because i keep getting awful pains in one foot.. so i fall over... and now my arm hurts too... wtf is wrong with me *WHINE* |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|11:37 pm] |
well i'm in oxford now.. today was pretty good.. met my finnish friend nina at noon, went to some noodlebar to eat then for coffee... the food was horrible.. i got seafood and noddles..only this seafod was just disgusting.. was like putting the ocean in your mouth. nina was just.. really great though.. i think i've got a crush.. well yes for sure...she's so cute and just so fun to be around.. the chemistry was great.
am going to Wakefield on Thursday to see an old friend, oh and London tomorrow. We're going to the London Zoo and Tate to watch some art gallery.. and hopefully the British museum if we have enough time.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|11:01 am] |
i'm already sick of travelling :/ it took 8 hours to get here yesterday (to my sisters) instead of 4 hours.. i was furious.. now theres 3 bus changes to get to the airport. i'll leave at 4 so i get there at 5.. 4 hours before the damn plane leaves.. that should do it.. i have my book and the mp3player so i should survive.. when i get to oxford i won't friggin travel for a whole week :/ my sister is so annoyed at me.. she just takes these things for granted.. to me it's real hard.. i get totally nervous, stress out.. scared of asking for directions and crap.. it doesn't seem to get any easier for every time..
now.. i need a smoke :/ hopefully i'll get to london.. i mean i will.. right.. i'm just a nervous.. person.. if i miss a bus i'll just get a taxi if the distance isn't too far... okay.. now why did i have to leave my safe space.. all i do is worry. gah. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bexxie's journal